Blue Recliners Are Destroying the World As We Know It

I've been thumbing through Craigslist today. I usually love Craigslist. I've seen awesome moving sales on brand new furniture in the past. But of course, because I am actually wanting to buy something, I find nothing.





I want to burn find a new home for the enormous dresser we are currently using. Then perhaps purchase two tall narrow dressers. It would free up some room in the master bedroom, and it would absolve the dresser sharing situation that is in place now.





I cannot stress to you enough how much I hate sharing. Anything. And yet, with three boys and a husband, I have to share everything. When people were throwing out "marriage advice" it was along the lines of, "Marriage is a so hard. You have to work at it every day. And you can't just walk out the door." Not a single married person said, "Summer, you're gonna have to share shit everyday for the rest of your marriage, AND you know how much you hate sharing!" I'm kidding. I love my husband and would have still married him. I'd still bitch about sharing, but he's used to it and finds it really funny when I get mad. Oh well, another topic altogether.

I digress.

I noticed there's a lot of really bad furniture choices out there. Am I alone in my quest for the destruction of almost all blue furniture? Mainly, country blue cloth furniture. When I come across it, I have to look away. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can't really talk about it for very long periods-- it's that unattractive to me. There's a lot of blue recliners and couches out there looking for a new home. Ugh. I'm so sorry if you own a piece of blue cloth furniture, and it runs near and dear to your heart. I love you anyway. Just put a cover over it before I come over. That is... if I'm still invited.



Kiss it away. (That's what I say to the kids when they say something ugly to each other.)

I'm also am looking for a platform bed. In addition to blue furniture,I've noticed a lot of leather beds out there. Honestly, I don't think that I could uphold the level of sexual activity that these beds imply. Child, please! I'm visualizing the mountains of undone laundry if I tried to meet those standards. Not to mention the fact I'd probably end up pregnant again, and frankly I just.... Wow. Let's not even go there. No. No leather beds. Absolutely not. Well maybe if Tim has that vasectomy, I'll think about it.

I just thought of something. A blue leather bed. Egad! Disgusting.

Completely off subject, but the show Hoarders still fascinates me. I guess because I'm the polar opposite. Please don't think my house is perfect. I'm a full-time working mother of three, so we get a little messy. But too much clutter makes me hyperventilate. Anymessybitches, I made an observation about hoarders that I'd like to share.

1. Most hoarders don't have bangs incorporated into their hairstyles. Could be completely unrelated, but still a weird coincidence.

2. The family of hoarders always let the hoarder be the boss of the house. I think we all know what happens when CRAZY is left in charge. Oh, you'd like to keep bags of lettuce from last Spring in the living room, and we'll just walk on top of the rat droppings. Oh, okay! Let's mix in some bags of new clothes from Target, and never open those bags. Put them on top of the rat droppings, and we'll just walk on top of the bags. I hope our 4 year old doesn't get lost in all this madness. What's that? Social Services took him away two weeks ago. Oh. I hadn't noticed.

3. I think I would send a hoarder into a Level 6 Panic Attack within an hour. They'd be like, Where did my Smoothy King receipt from 9 years ago go? I'd taunt them with- Oh, I threw away that whole sack, and the shit on your staircase too. Was it okay for me to organize your closet without your permission? Well that sucks, because the trash truck's already left. Wa. Wa. Wah. As I'm sure they would send me into about a Level 8 Panic Attack trying to reason with them about why there's absolutely no fucking way they need SOOO much shit.

4. Anyone who takes 9 hours to go through one shoe box of obvious trash, needs serious medication. As does anyone sitting there with this person taking 9 hours to go through one shoe box.

5. I really feel bad for these people, because it seems like this is not something that's curable. It's kind of sad and I should make fun. But it's not making fun. I'm just trying to understand.

6. Oh, and a lot of hoarders have blue recliners. I'm just sayin'...

Okay that’s enough. I’m done. Wait no I’m not.

Hey LADY-AT-THE-POST-OFFICE-THAT-PARKED-IN-FRONT-OF-THE-MAIL-DROP who appeared to be writing, stuffing, sealing, and stamping your letter right then and there-- let’s try to see outside of ourselves once in a while. I did. I patiently waited behind in my truck, while you moved so slow it was almost painful to watch. Did you know that I could see you? I was almost positive that Valium played a huge factor in your little performance, once I saw you take 10 minutes to actually get the envelope from your window into the little blue drop bin. Point is, Honey, next time don’t block the entire entrance to the post office because I’m fairly certain I could have walked in to the facility to update my passport, mail my envelopes, and buy a roll of stamps in the time it took you to mail-- One. Damn. Envelope. Lay off the Valium or at least share with the rest of us. Love, Summer




Okay done.





KISSING IT AWAY!